The daze……………… Wake up. Coffee. Work. Wine. TV. More Wine. Sleep. Repeat.
Losing a partner. A family member. Being estranged from family.
Losing yourself. Losing meaning.
After the loss, it’s common to get stuck in the daze.
The day passing by. Losing context of life. Forgetting life, your dreams (or the life around us).
I think it should be called a Dayz. Because days pass – while you are in what is best called a haze.
It’s not confusion, just loss.
Like a cloud hanging over your head that you may not even be aware that you are under.
But one day, you wake up and realise that every day is a “Ground Hog Day Daze”.
One day you wake up with this feeling in the pit of your stomach that tells you there is something out there that isn’t quite right.
Maybe your kids aren’t calling or coming by the house anymore? Or you never see your friends?
Or it’s three years since you’ve been back to work and you had to do a double take to make sure that date you see is right on your computer screen?
This to me is the stuff that no one is really talking about. No one is talking about the daze.
This eight stage of grief that consumes you and takes up infinite time.
For me, after I lost Dan, I put myself in a “Work-Wine-Wish” Daze. It was my Ground-Hog Daze…
I was a CFO of a publicly listed company most people would comment “Wow look at you. You’ve made it. You have the job, the salary, the family, the house, the car, overseas trips. You are so successful.”
Though I did not feel it. I was constantly looking for more.
I had this chant, this drum beating inside of me “surely there must be an easier way to succeed at this level, surely there must be an easier way, surely there must be an easier way…….”
I would look around………… All my peers appeared successful. They all seemed happy and content about their life.
I remember thinking………
“What’s wrong with me? Why do I feel like something is missing, especially when so many tell me I have so much? It’s like I’m in a catch22… I love my job and the rewards, though I am spending most of them on quick fixes just to get through the day, so I can do my job. I am not really showing up for others in my life. My health is suffering. That’s ok. Just keep going. Keep achieving more and more in your job and that will assist you to be happy and content like your peers.”
I was trapped in a cycle that I did not even realise that I was trapped in. No wonder I was living the same day over and over and did not want to escape. I believed this was life. I believe this was what happens when you want and live a successful life.
Can you relate?
The Ground-Hog Daze was not about us repeating and living the same day but it’s about the story we keep repeating about how to live our “successful” life.
What story are you telling yourself? Have you settled for less?
Are you catching yourself dazed and forgetful?
Lost in monotony?
Have you forgotten your meaning?
If you have……………….Don’t be too hard on yourself, many of us have been trapped in the haze of the daze.
Mainly because we don’t know how to change. What to do.
You don’t have to stay trapped. You do have a meaning.
I call this the eighth stage because it is the longest final stage.
But the daze lifts and allows you to build the bridge through the loss and the pain, into the meaning and the gift.
It’s easy to get stuck there, in the Ground Hog Day Daze. It can be hard to look forward and receive your meaning, now with this loss.
Are you struggling to find a way out of the daze? Or stuggling to see the bridge to your meaning? But you are thinking and feeling like there must be something more to this than your current experience?
I believe I’m here on this earth, with the gift of the losing my son, Dan, to build the bridge with you to come out of the daze and to help you see the greater meaning inside it.
Do you need some help? It’s not a weakness to get help. It’s strength.
Please reach out, schedule a time to speak with me, and allow me to help you process this loss.
You need community. You need someone who has been through it. And most of all, you’ll find your meaning and the meaning of your loss.
Stay well and remember to create some “Me time” each day.