As humans we like to compare things. To pigeonhole them. To say that this is right and that is wrong. This is greater than that.
The 40+ loss events seem to be a topic that many have decided, requires a hierarchy. Before I studied and deep dive into learning about loss and how you can easily move beyond it, I was also guilty of thinking that way.
I can remember a few years back being out to dinner with three couples. Yes, we were all drinking a bit and then Candy (not her real name) started going on and on about how she will never get over her husband’s betrayal.
I lost it. I said “For frig sake will you get over it. That was five years ago. You are sitting here with your boyfriend of four years, I lost my son and I have healed, surely you can get over it?”
I have since apologised for my ignorant comment. There is no hierarchy in loss.
Actually, as humans we have been taught to compare losses in order to minimise our feelings. The most ideal way to remember that as all humans are unique, so is every relationship we have, therefore the intensity of the loss and then the recovery will also be unique.
Death provokes an intensity of grief and suffering that cannot be duplicated while the loved one is still alive.
Divorce is the death of the relationship. The end to the family unit. An end to all the accompanying hopes dreams and aspirations, in regard to the future we had planned together. In some ways divorce can be harder to accept than a death. With a death you know that the physical relationship is over.
Whereas with divorce, there can sometimes be one party who is wishing and hoping for the physical relationship to never end.
This in itself can hinder the recovery process. We must always remind ourselves that loss is an inevitable part of life and grief is the normal and natural response to it.
Grief is a human response that lets us know that for the moment things are different than they were before the loss. Yet it is normal to feel lost, dazed, confused, and frustrated when major losses affect our lives.
Though remember that nothing can change until we take responsibility for our own recovery. It can be so easy to go into the BLAME Game.
If you’ve been reading my emails for a while, you have probably gathered by now that I love breaking down words. Its like they are breadcrumbs left along our pathway in order to show us the most ideal way to live our lives.
So lets break down BLAME.
There is “BLA” and then there is “ME” Hmm interesting.
So when you are in the Bla Bla Bla, you have totally forgotten about taking any responsibility.
How can you. Think about it for a sec…………….
You are so focused on all the Bla Bla Bla that they did, did not do, said or did not say.
You have forgotten about the fact that there are always two people in every relationship. You have forgotten all about “Me.” (as in You.)
That is why I do what I do. I assist you to acquire the skills to help you complete your relationship to the pain, disappointment, frustration, and heartache caused by what has happened.
To complete what is unfinished for you.
You will have a new perspective. Things will look different and then you will want your life to be different.
Which is fabulous as then you can consciously move on and design a life that you can live and love each and every day ~ Your Dream Life.
I have found that most people have three or four past loss events / relationships that can benefit from my Beyond Loss Process that I call the Gift of Loss.
I have also found that life is way to short to be spending any time grieving and suffering!
Stay well and reach out when you’d like to know more.
With Love and Gratitude,